Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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