If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The uberlube is also flammable
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
