Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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