In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
How does one acquire holy water?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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