I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
