I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
