Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
