My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
