I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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