I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
