what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
