umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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