ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
