can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
