I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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