first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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