she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
