thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
