How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
