whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
