If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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