My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize