is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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