i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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