we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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