; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
