hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just pee around me
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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