he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
