I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
