Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
