i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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