then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Banned from zoo.
Again?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
