two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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