I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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