I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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