We're facebook friends in real life
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
