Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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