Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
