i don't like sucking hair
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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