You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
