Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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