she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
