I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
