he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
