from now on my penis is your penis
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
