Christians are straight up FREAKS
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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