I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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