it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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