was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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