Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
