in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
