The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Randomize
