Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just pynch a tree in the face
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
