That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
