I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
