talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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