I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
