Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
