I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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