We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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