i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
