Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
