Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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