the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
