something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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