I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
