I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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