Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize