The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
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