You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
