Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
