His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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