sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
