chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
